So as to make it easier for those of you who don't have time to read a novel, I'm highlighting the more interesting parts of this blog in red. Read on if you dare.
It all started early today. I awoke the boys at 9:30 (less they sleep till 10:30 or later), and as I walked over to the bed, I stepped on what? A diaper. Ugh. I pulled the sheet away from Ripley and discovered to my dismay that he was commando in a puddle of piss. So, the awakening became a rude one for both, as I had to strip the sheets and the memory foam. Good morning, sunshine! Epic Fail #1
I located the duct tape on the boys' shelf and made a mental note to use it today. Nap time sounds good.
So, later in the morning, I tried to rearrange some of my more precious items (a metal apache that Jason made for JT and a lovely statue of Cupid and Psyche in an embrace). The boys keep picking up the apache and putting it on the floor, spinning the rotors and stuff, and I'm afraid they're going to break it. So, as I grabbed Cupid and Psyche from off the top shelf, I heard a porcelain piece slip free and hit the marble mantle. Out of frustration, I said "Shit. Shit. Shit." To which Ripley replied, "Shit." How else do I respond to that but, "Thank You." Ripley says, "You're welcome." And again, Epic Fail #2. I should just duct tape my mouth shut.
This afternoon, I was trying to unload groceries so that I could begin my kitchen clean-up and then kitchen mess-up as I cook tonight's dinner. Ripley would have none of it. He followed me around the kitchen, arms raised, crying to be picked up. Not in the cards tonight, little dude. I had to send him to play with Ronan.
Moments later, I hear children running towards the kitchen (which is not unusual, mind you). Ripley screams in glee as he rounds the corner, Ronan quickly on his heels. But wait, there's something wrong with this picture. Ronan is wielding his Nationals' bat as he chases. "Uh Uh, no way, man," I say. "Okay, then I won't hit him," was Ronan's reply. No sir, not tonight. I snatched the bat out of his hands like a crazed ninja. Now it's Ronan's turn to cry, so I sent him to do it somewhere else other than in my presence.
Kitchen is almost clean enough to start cooking in, I'm listening to a little Amos Lee to kinda bring my anxiety down, and Ronan walks in. He says, "I want to show you something." I walk closer to him as he pulls down the front of his pull-up and shows me his junk. "I have hair down there," he says. I almost choked on my water and said, "No, I don't think so." And I notice that his junk is covered in something whitish, maybe powdery. The pull up he has on now is utterly dry, so it can't be gel. Then it occurs to me and I ask, "Ronan, did you have on another pull up that was FULL of pee in it? Did you change it?" The look on his face was answer enough. I asked where it was and he said he put it on his table.
So, I take Ronan to my bathroom and quickly give him a shower from the waist down. That gel does not come off so easily with wipes. Shower over, Ronan dried off, we make our way to his room to put on the big boy underwear when what did my exasperated eyes fall upon? Pull-up piss gel all over the floor from the hallway to the entire floor of the boys room. Ripley musta thought he found some play dough. Or fake snow. He's like a fricking puppy. He tears up every damn thing. So, I quietly clean and vacuum the mess, trying my hardest not to implode from the utter shakes of anxiety that are wracking my body. Mission accomplished - Epic Fail #3
I'm back in the kitchen after a thorough scrub of my hands and arms up to my armpits, ready to prepare food for my thankless demons when it hits me. I haven't taken Vitamin P (prozac) since the first week of December. I keep telling myself I don't need it. I'm not depressed, I'm just crazy. Prozac doesn't fix crazy does it? Well, I think it helps to quell the anxiety that I experience on a daily basis, which is much of my crazy. So for the sake of all in my household, I'm going to give it another shot. Vitamin P, give me peace. Please.
My final facebook status update today read like this: thank you Heavenly Father for not letting me be a drinking woman. For if I was, I'd be drunk every damn day. Save me from the demons I cannot escape. They keep chasing me, calling me "Mom."
Now it's time for some mint chocolate chip ice cream and a movie by myself. OOOooooh, by myself. We'll see how long that lasts.
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